Leaving the Nest: Returning to Work Post-Baby when
it’s Not Your First Choice
Coos, gurgles, babbles, first smile,
first food, first crawl, maybe even first
steps or first words—the early
days of your baby’s life are full of
firsts. But now it’s time for you to
leave the nest and return to work. Even if
you always said you could never be a stay-at-home
parent, many moms and dads are surprised
to find themselves torn about the reality
of leaving their little one in the care of
others. Or you might have always imagined
yourself staying home during the early years,
but then crunched the numbers and realized
it’s not feasible. One thing is certain:
going back to work after having a child is
a major life transition that will take some
getting used to.
Acknowledge the Big Picture
While you may resent the fact that you have
to go back to work because of financial
reasons, take a realistic look at the alternatives.
Sure, juggling work and family priorities
can create a lot of stress, but the financial
strain can be just as stressful. And while
many parents can accentuate the joys of
staying at home with the kids, many more
will tell you about the day-to-day struggles—the
moments of boredom, exhaustion and lack
of mental stimulation. There are good and
bad points to both scenarios and while
the grass may look greener on the other
side, remind yourself that for most parents
there is no ‘perfect’ situation.
Leave Kids in Good Hands
Do your homework on child care (ideally well
before you’re back on the job) so
you can go to work reassured that your
child is getting the best care possible. If
a grandparent, relative or nanny is providing
care at home, discuss the ground rules,
especially around discipline, nutrition
and activities in advance, to ensure you’re
both on the same page and that your expectations
are clearly conveyed.
If you’re sending your child to daycare,
talk to other parents whose children go there.
A licensed daycare program follows government
standards, including child to teacher ratios,
and also has to adhere to certain curriculum
guidelines. Sending kids to a well-managed
daycare will give you some peace of mind
and help you rest easy in knowing they are
not only being well taken care of, but are
also getting a quality education and learning
how to socialize with other children—valuable
skills that will prepare them for school.
Get Real
Many new parents hold themselves up to impossible
standards they’ll never be able to
achieve. Go easy on yourself, especially
during your first months back at work.
If leaving the laundry for another day
means you’ll be able to spend some
extra time nuzzling your little one, let
the washing slide. Remember: when you look
back on these early moments with your kids
you’re more likely to remember the
giggles of their first ride on a swing
than the toys all over the floor. Constantly
striving to be the ‘perfect parent’ and
comparing yourself to others is the most
certain way to set yourself up for failure.
The same goes for work. Of course, you’re
there to do a good job, but you need to acknowledge
the realities that parenthood demands. Managing
expectations, while one of the biggest challenges,
is also the best way to keep you and your
employer content.
Give Yourself a Break
Probably the biggest change new parents have
to adjust to is the absence of “me” time.
Your world goes from being all about your
own choices, decisions and schedule to
revolving around parenting, work and home
priorities. Without time for reflection
or relaxation, you can start to feel like
a hamster on a wheel, running nowhere fast.
Whether it’s waking up 30 minutes
early in the morning to read the paper
and sip your coffee, keeping a journal
or carving out time during the week to
go to the gym, make an effort to schedule
some time in for you to be alone with yourself
and your thoughts. The break might seem
tiny, but its impact on your psyche can
be huge, giving you the insight and energy
to face the day-to-day juggling act of
being a working parent.
If alternative work arrangements, such as
flexible schedules or occasional work from
home are acceptable within your role, be
sure to consult with your manager to create
a plan that works for you both. Doing so
might save you precious commute time, help
you better manage a tight schedule, and can
give you more face time with the kids.
Whether you’ve dreamed of staying
home for your kids’ early years or
always intended on heading back to the workplace,
the changeover from new parent to “working
parent” can be filled with anxiety,
guilt and a feeling that you’re doing
a mediocre job at everything. But by being
realistic, managing expectations (your own
and colleagues’), and going easy on
yourself, you will not only get past these
early bumps in the road, but may even learn
to enjoy the ride. Remember, you can also
access caregiving support through your EAP’s
Family Support Services.
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