Life Loss: Coping with the Sudden
Death of a Loved One
The loss of a loved one can be devastating,
turning your world upside down and leaving
you reeling. And when it’s unexpected,
it can be even harder to understand and overcome.
The journey to recovery is unique for every
person and it’s important that you
do what’s right for you when faced
with sudden loss.
There is no perfect or predictable way to
grieve. But by acknowledging your feelings,
letting others know how they can help and
giving yourself permission to feel what you
feel, you’ll empower yourself to work
through the pain of loss and move towards
healing.
Deal with the Details
It’s a reality most of us would rather
not face: funerals require quick decisions
and planning at the most unwelcome time possible.
If you are responsible for handling the arrangements
after the death of a loved one but feel overwhelmed
and unable to cope with these tasks, don’t
be afraid to ask for help. At the same time,
if you are in charge but feel like you need
to put your grief on hold to manage your
duties that’s also okay. Don’t
feel guilty about it but make sure you give
yourself the time to grieve freely. There
is no right or wrong way to do things and
you need to be honest about what you can
and cannot handle.
Find out the Facts
It can be difficult to hear the events leading
up to a person’s sudden death, but
it might also be an important part of the
healing journey for you. Finding out this
information can help you process what happened.
Talk to the people who were there or the
medical staff involved to put a framework
around the events.
Respect your own Feelings
Feelings such as numbness, anger, guilt
and shock are all normal and natural reactions
that you need to express. But if you can’t
cry or don’t want to, don’t do
it and don’t feel guilty about it.
If you need to weep, find a safe place where
you can do it freely. Don’t be afraid
to ask to be alone, or for company or help
if you need it. When it comes to mourning,
throw the rule book out the window. Whether
you need to be alone or with someone you
trust, do what you need to do to grieve authentically.
Stay Healthy
Your health is an important part of your
recovery, so don’t set it aside. Eating
well-balanced meals, keeping regular sleeping
patterns and exercising are important for
your mind as well as your body. It is important
to stay as close to your daily routine as
possible, it will help absorb the impact
and enhance resiliency.
Seek Extra Support
Many people find themselves overwhelmed
with love and support during the days and
weeks following a death and then feel very
alone once the activities of funerals and
memorials are finished. It can take months
or even years to recover from the loss of
someone close to you. Though close friends
and family can be invaluable during the dark
days of recovery, if you feel like you’re
having trouble functioning or moving past
your grief, consider additional help. Joining
a support group is a great way to get into
contact with people who can relate to your
experience and can help you on your journey
through and beyond your grief. Speaking to
a counsellor or therapist may also be an
important step in your recovery. Contact
your Employee Assistance Program to find
out what resources are available to you and
to get connected with the support you need.
Offer Support
If a loved one most affected by the loss
has just received the news and is alone,
go to this person and offer to be a shoulder
to lean on. In the moments after a sudden
death, we’re often so afraid of doing
or saying the wrong thing that we stay away
from the primary mourner when they need the
support of friends and family most. Understand
that each person grieves in their own way
and if the individual wants to be alone,
he or she will tell you. If you are helping
someone who is grieving, keep the following
tips in mind:
- Listen with non-judgmental compassion
- Understand that your loved one will need
time to deal with the loss
- Avoid clichés
- Talk about the person who has died
- Offer practical assistance such as shopping,
cooking, driving
- Find and offer information on resources,
support groups, etc.
- Be aware of difficult times, like anniversaries
and holidays and make yourself available
during these days
- Acknowledge your friend or loved one’s
range of emotions, but avoid using phrases
like, “I know how you feel”
If you or a loved one is faced with the
sudden death of a friend or family member,
remember that there is no right or wrong
way to mourn. While it may feel a million
miles away in the moment, there is light
at the end of the tunnel. Accepting grief
as part of the process, reserving judgement
and getting solid support will help you work
through emotions and slowly but surely move
on to happier times.
Support Resources
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