Stuck in the Middle ie The Sandwich Generation
May 2002

If you're feeling the generational squeeze, you're not alone. The dual responsibilities of taking care of bothchildren and parents can leave "sandwichers" stressed out, anxious and resentful. Though your family obligations might be impossible to change, how you deal with daily challenges is not. The following tips will ease your pressure and help you cope with life in the sandwich generation.

• Look after yourself first. Many sandwichers put themselves at the bottom of the priority list. Doing this can jeopardize your physical and mental health and leave you too ill or stressed to help other family members. Indulge in your favorite pastime-whether writing poetry, car mechanics, hiking or yoga-and weave it into your daily or weekly routine.

• Create a plan of action. Sit down with the entire family and discuss the future frankly. Hammer out a long-term plan that clearly lays out each family member's responsibilities. If educational and elder care costs are causing you financial stress, try drawing up a detailed budget to ease your anxiety. A "living will"-outlining your parents' medical, financial and healthcare wishes-is also something to consider while your parents are still in relatively good health. Thorough planning can go a long way to reduce worry for everyone involved.

• Accept that you'll have good days and bad. Frustration, stress and guilt are well known to the sandwich generation. So too are optimism, joy and love. Waves of both are natural. If you're overwhelmed by negative feelings, though, don't bottle it up. Talk to a close friend, spouse, join an elder care support group or consult your WarrenShepell EAP to help you cope.

• Ask for help. It's easy to lose sight of your situation and become resentful or a martyr. Remember that there are others around you that can cover some of the work and bear some of the load. Hold a family meeting and create a schedule that assigns tasks to older children, your partner and your parents. Get everyone to participate as much as they're able to and reduce some of your burdens.

• Include your elderly parents in decision making and respect their need for independence. Let your parents do what they are able to for as long as they can. It's important to help them maintain their dignity, especially when their health and abilities begin to deteriorate. Reinforce your love and support for them every day.

• Finally, use the resources available to you. Look into child care and elder care options available in your area including day programs for the elderly. A Family Matters™ Consultant can perform a personalized search to locate child, parenting and elder care programs and services in your community.

Need help in balancing your work and family demands? WS Family Matters™ can help. Call your EAP at 1-800-387-4765 for service in English or 1-800-361-5676 for service in French.